Me Casa Es Tu Casa
by Burnt Hamster
Summary: Neil learns about his quiet room mate from the contents of his desk. Todd drama.
1. Default Chapter

Neil sat on his bed scribbling the last of his essay on a piece of paper. Tied up all week he had settled on procrastination on this particular essay. It had caught up to him and was now due tomorrow. His pen moved down the paper until there was no space left. He look around him for another sheet in his assorted notes and books but found nothing. Realizing he had left his paper in a folder in his last class he ran his hand tiredly over his face. This just wasn't his day. He thought about getting off the bed and moving to his desk before he fell asleep. He did this almost stiffly, feeling much older then he was. He was warn out. And now he needs paper!

"There is no way," he mumbled to himself. "That I am going back to look for a piece of paper!"

He sat down almost defiantly on his desk chair. Arms crossed and head up, in mock argument with himself as his mind went through alternatives. Turning to creak his back his eyes fell on Todd's desk and a smile broke on his face.

"Man, Neil your brain must really be fried" He said continuing his self debate. "Todd wouldn't mind if I borrowed a piece of paper. 'Me casa es tu casa!' Am I right? And since we have that down because we indeed share a "casa". Then why not take it up a notch to Me cosas es tu cosas!"

With a renewed energy Neil jumped up from his chair and plopped down into Todd's. He hesitated a moment as invasion of privacy crossed his mind then pushed it off.

"It's not like I'm snooping,' he tried to tell himself. 'I'll just get the paper and get out" He half smiled.

If he were being honest with himself he would acknowledge his fascination for his roommate that he knew little about. He had been living in the same room with him for some time now and knew next to nothing about him. When others saw this in Todd they brushed it off as him being shy and just plain boring. Neil, however knew there was more to Todd that met the eye and was waiting for a glimpse of it.

Now feeling almost guilty Neil told himself again, "I'm just going for paper!" With that he opened the first drawer.

Nothing. Some pencils, pens, other writing supplies, erasers, paperclips, index cards. No paper. Next drawer. This drawer looked a little more promising. It was filled with notebooks and other bound books. On the top was an overturned framed picture that Neil, in his curiosity, picked up without hesitation.

It appeared to be a family photo. In the foreground of the picture was a young man with features similar to Todd's but also very different. This boy was bigger in build and his head was held up high. He seemed to hold a bit of arrogance in his wide smile and blue eyes. Todd's older brother. The 'father' Neil guessed had his right arm swung proudly over the boys shoulders. The mother stood to the boys right. Her smile glowing and her hand resting lightly on the boy's shoulder. Then there was Todd a step behind his mother. Slouched down as he usually is and hands held nervously in front of him. A slight but very fake smile plastered almost painfully on his face. Neil felt a pang in his chest at Todd's expression.

Neil realizing he had been studying the photo for quite a while now quickly placed it back in the drawer. Face down. He moved to the books now. With a new slow melancholy that he couldn't quite place and didn't want to study. He picked up a warn black book.

"Maybe it's a school notebook and I can take a paper from it." Neil said softly as if he could speak his innocents into existence.

It wasn't a school book as was obvious by the cover and made crystal clear by the pages. It was a journal. Or so it seemed to be. Every page was filled with Todd's writing. Scrawled shaky and uncertain. Page after page full. And then it was like Neil wasn't himself anymore. He wasn't the Neil that shared a room with a kid named Todd and was now going through the boys personal things. He was outside himself looking in. He was unaware now that anyone could be hurt here, his curiosity took control of him and nothing mattered besides what was in this book. He began to read.

Alone

By E. A. Poe

From childhood's hour,

I have not been as others were,

I have not seen as others saw,

I could not bring my passion from a common spring,

From the same source I have not taken my sorrow,

I could not awaken my heart to joy at the same tone,

And all I lov'd I lov'd alone,

Then in my childhood,

in the dawn of a most stormy life was drawn,

From ev'ry depth of good and ill,

The mystery which binds me still,

From the torrent, or the fountain,

From the red cliff of the mountain,

From the sun that 'round me roll'd,

In it's autumn tint of gold,

From the thunder, and the storm,

And the cloud that took the form

(when the rest of heaven was blue)

Of a demon in my view...


	2. love

Me Casa Es Tu Casa

Chapter 2

I would like to thank everyone who reviewed!

druidgoddess -Yes Poe rocks my socks! And I really enjoyed reading your profile!

RockTheWorld -It's refreshing to see a fellow believer! And thanks for the nice comments! Blushes

Sarah126 -my favorite too!

blackvendetta -Yes House rules.

Lotr-and-potc-rule

Oh and I never did a disclaimer!

Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine but the stuff in the desk is! So there!

Now on with the story!

A much younger Todd sits at the table with his family, his food untouched in front of him. He sits across from his brother his parents on either side of the table. He bounces a little in his seat as his head moves from one area of the table to another following the family's conversations. Jeffery was glowing with pride at the report from his teachers on his commendable educational achievements and how colleges were already looking into him, and at such a young age! It was truly remarkable. And something to be proud of. Todd grinned at his brother from across the table. He greatly admired his older brother. And in some ways he wishes he was like him. The way Dad would smile at Jeff, Todd wished he would smile at him that way. But Todd didn't think to much into that. It was a passing thought. He was much happier living in the moment and thinking on that which wasn't so negative. As all younger ones are. He continued to bounce as the conversation continued.

Finally when everything else was said and their was that lull in the conversation Todd's mother turned to him. With a slight smile she asked "So how was your day, Todd."

Todd's bouncing became more apparent now that it was his turn. He had been waiting all day to tell his news. He excitedly started talking. "Well...!" As if what he had to say was of great importance. "Mrs. Wilson liked my reading so much that she let me read most of the story! We had to write a poem too! About something we love. Mrs. Wilson says that love is what drives a lot of poetry. Even the ones that are sad because they are sad because they lost their love..." Todd babbled on and on unaware that no one at the table was really listening to him. When finally he was finished he smiled happily in his seat. Then seeing everyone eating and not responding to the obvious completion of his tale he frowned for a moment. But only for a moment and then he picked up his fork and ate with the family.

I love you.

Isn't it apparent?

And all I want is you to love me too

There must be something wrong with me.

For you to look away and frown

I am not worthy of your love

I do not fit into your plan

Do I displease you?

I disappoint you.

I'm not what I should be.

Not how you wanted me to be.

I can't love me if you can't

But I don't deserve it anyway.

I live for the day

where I could smile and say

that it is love that I am immersed in

And be whole in that thought

And you could smile at me.

This is a poem about love

Because love exists

Even if it is not for me

I'm not sure where I am going with this. I kind of forgot. But I do have a basic idea. So I'm going with that. Please review. I am motivated by responses.


	3. Shame

Todd looked through the crowd before him. Searching for a familiar face. A little older now he was at his class presentation. Where the families of the students were invited to come to the school and walk through their classes to see all they have accomplished. Todd couldn't find his own family. They already missed two of his classes. His history class where they displayed the final project on an ancient civilization. And his art class where the left there portfolio on their desks for their parents to flip through. Todd had been very proud of his art work. All neatly ordered in the big folder. His favorite being the one he had painted in water color. Todd had stood next to his desk alone. Watching the other families gathered around the desks praising their child's work. And Todd felt awkward and exposed and ashamed.

And now here he was in his favorite class, English. And he prayed desperately that if his parents showed for anything it would be this. They were to recite a poem of their choice that they had been working to memorize all year. Where the other children had chosen small simple poems about simple things Todd had looked through a book the teacher had in her class and had picked a poem that was very large and the words hard to understand. But he had liked the way it sounded when he spoke it out loud. And liked the way the words felt in his mouth. And without thought as to the difficulty of it he had chosen it. He worked long and hard to memorize it. And many of the words he had to look up in his dictionary to figure out their meaning. And now was time to recite it and his family wasn't even hear to see!

The boy before Todd walked confidently to the front of the room and stood before the crowd. Hands behind his back and a huge goofy smile on his face. The teacher gave him the sign to go ahead and he began. In a high squeaky voice fitting of the poem.

"The Prayer of the Selfish Child by Shel Siverstein!

Now I lay me down to sleep.

I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

And If I should die before I wake,

I pray the Lord my toys to break.

So none of the other kids can use'em!

AMEN!"

He smiled that cheeky smile of his once again before bowing to the audience delight. As the women commented on how cute he was. His parents in the front row laughed out loud as they applauded their little boy. And through out the poem Todd had noticed that the boys mother had looked at her son encouragingly mouthing the words as he spoke them out loud.

Now it was Todd's turn and a sudden dread fell over him. His little hands shook as he took slow steps to the front of the room. He stood before the crowd that seemed enormous from his standing point. All eyes focused on him. He searched once more for those faces he so desperately needed to see. Not finding them his eyes darted to the mother he had observed just a few moments before to see that her attention wasn't on him but her own son who she had pulled into a sideways hug at her side.

Taking a deep breath he went to begin but his mind went blank. He stood with his mouth open in udder horror. He turned to his teacher on his left his eyes pleading for help. She cupped her hand over her mouth and whispered "When..."

Then it came flooding back and Todd quickly began eyes staring behind the crowd to the wall behind.

"When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,

I all alone beweep my outcast state

And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries

And look upon myself and curse my fate,

Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,

Featured like him, like him with friends possess'd,

Desiring this man's art and that man's scope,

With what I most enjoy contented least;

Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,

Haply I think on thee, and then my state,

Like to the... LARK at break of day arising

From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;

For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings

That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

Sonnet 29 by William Shakespeare." Todd had spoken the poem very fast without much grace. His hands shook uncontrollably and every movement in the audience had made him self-conscious. Some of the other kids had looked behind them to see what he was staring so intently at on the opposite wall. While others snickered to each other when he tripped over a word. By the end of the poem where it was suppose to be happy Todd felt like he would break out in tears. He had fumbled over many of the word in his nervousness. The words he worked long and hard to perfect in pronunciation and delivery.

He hurriedly ran off stage oblivious to the scattered applause by the bewildered audience. He ran into the hall and sat on the floor. His chest hurt and his head was spinning. He felt like he could throw up but the churning in his heart and the tears that stung his eyes took priority. He felt his chest heave with the weight of a sob and fought it back desperately. He bit down hard on his hand to distract his mind and let the sobs escape muffled by his fist. Tears streamed unnoticed down his face and he felt alone. And rejected. He felt stupid and ashamed. He was humiliated with himself.

Finally he wiped the tears from his eyes in anger and stormed from the school to walk home. Upon opening the door he realized that no one was home. He went to his room and crawled in his bed. Pulling the thick comforter over his head he lay on his back, staring at the dark grey world the comforter created. As the air within his cocoon began to get thick and stuffy he wondered if it will eventually run out and he would suffocate. And so he lay there, taking great deep breaths.

I'm working to try to figure out what I am doing with this thing. Review if you want it to continue and sorry for the wait.


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